Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
