I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
it's great music for shaving your balls
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
