Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
then he tried to convert me to islam
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
