make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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