My balls are so social today.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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