I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
