I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
