If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I have feelings that need drinking.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
