in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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