I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
