You smell like stripper and shame
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
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