I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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