apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
