My nipple is on Facebook.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
