weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
