it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I want to fling myself into the sun
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
