And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
