I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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