just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
