Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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