McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
