nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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