I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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