This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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