May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Randomize
