oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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