did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
