when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Pooping to opera.
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