youre lurking in front of me
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
