That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
