I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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