just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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