Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
