Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
His nipple licking is glorious
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