I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I just googled if crying burns calories
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Randomize
