i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
