so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
