That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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