he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
