margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i drank out of a bidet.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I have fence marks all over my body
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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