hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
