sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
