her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
