i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
