Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I party with great urgency now.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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