Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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