I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
