if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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