Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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