If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
